Empty Promises

All I ever want in life is a guy like Krist 

I was brewing coffee and thoughts came running through my mind. Some flashbacks here and there and I realised, I promised so many people so many things that I've yet to done. To the best friend that I once had, I promised to travel the world with her but now, we don't even hang out together. To the another best friend that I told her I love her and she's one of my priority, I did not even stay for an hour for her big 21 birthday party. 

To my grandpa who passed away, I promised to stayover at his house with him and he kept the mattress there and refused to throw it away until he passed away because he was waiting for me to fulfill the promise that never came true. 

I'm not a perfect being. I have so many flaws and this is one of my biggest flaws. I love making promises because it makes me feel connected to the people I love. But, I also have the tendency to forget and eventually break the promises. I'm sorry, I'm sorry to those people who had to bear with me and to those who left me. 

In these 2 years, I've gained some and lost some. I can't deny that it hurts so much whenever I lose someone I dearly love. Sometimes, I want to just do nothing and hold them back but I have so many other priorities that are holding me back. I've told myself that I should never let emotions take over the better of me. I can feel for someone but never so much that it will take over me. I treasure and cherish every and each of my friends but there are just times where misuderstandings come in between us and I realised that I don't even have the time to talk things out and there's no proper closure. We just break off. 

I'm so lost. I don't know what I ever want in life. I don't know anymore. Man.