Last year this time, I was dealing with O'level and I thought it was the hardest and most tiring phase in my life. I thought. Now, I think life is hard. It's not because I'm tired, it's because I'm uncertain and that's the last thing I want to be. Last week, someone asked me, "So what do you want to be in the future?". When I was young, I would reply immediately that I want to either be a teacher or a vet but now, I can't reply because I'm not certain of what I want to be.

Apart from that, I realised why I can't be certain, not just about my future but about everything. About how I act. About how I type. About how I express myself. Because I'm afraid. I really don't like it when I backspace everything that I type and how I think before I leap, about everything. I mean I want to just do something without thinking about the consequence. I want to feel the adrenaline rush after doing something I'm not used to doing or haven't dared to try. But, "but" is holding me back. I think of the consequence, I think of how many things might come in between and how things might just go all wrong. To put it in simple terms, I'm not brave enough to try, to take the first step.

I'm waiting for that one day where myself is strong enough to say I want, and I can.