Well not only people who I know in school but also those other people out there , those awesome bunch I have on facebook , always updating me with DBSK's stuffs or staying up late at night with me when I'm feeling upset to cheer me up. I also miss my bhb family , yes it sounds so childish and stupid but I swear , they are one of my favourite bunch of peeps especially Troy , I can never meet another awesome bro like him but I've lost contact with him , like totally lol how sad and it's all because of me.
Reason being to why I drifted with my facebook bunch and bhb family , it's because I became into twitter and really into my fandom , Cassiopeia ( I wasn't an angel back then) I started losing friends on facebook because I just can't bother to update or care , I was dealing with exams and stress so I can't balance well with facebook and twitter together so we eventually drifted or some even forgotten. Bhb family ... well I quited audition , I stopped blogging in our blog and we no longer msn , I even stopped contacting some of them . I regret every fucking bit of this shit , I don't regret joining and indulging into my fandom , what I regret is neglecting completely till I hold no place in their life.
I no longer like to get attached to people out there or even when I have like friends online , I try my best to talk to them but in the end I will just avoid or end the conversation , I just don't like it and have not enough interest on anyone. And no I'm not asexual or anti-social , I just .... I don't know I'm still trying to figure out this whole damn thing. Well tbh particularly in my sec1-sec2 life , I had too many people betraying and hurting me and really thanks to them , I change to become a me who doesn't open up easily and believe in others easily, thanks for making me stronger you motherfuckers , have my middle finger as a thank you gift okie sweet.
Now , I'm just really , just into my close circle of friends and my fandoms ( cassiopeia and teentop) I just find it better here because my fandoms treats me like a family member , they don't judge me and embrace my flaws well. Although I've only met some of my fandom loves , they are all really nice people and really didn't judge me for who I am and even stood by me when I'm having trouble , I just love them a lil more than much ^.^
I may be on all smiley all day but well , I'm a girl too , I think a lot when I'm alone , especially at night. Everything seems wrong , I'm insecure and paranoid but there's nothing I can do . It's not like I don't want to tell people what's scaring or worrying me but the fact is I don't know how to , this is another problem of me . I guess I'm actually friendly in real life but I don't open up to people easily because yes I guess they will hate me , like who likes a emotional and sensitive bitch? So most of the time I keep everything to myself , bottle up all my fucked up feelings and smile to the world, well it doesn't hurts to fake a smile but doing it always , it became a habit and I don't remember on how to show my true self .
Life is peaceful , everything seem so right yet so wrong. I don't know I can't tell I'm fucked up, totally . I am just not the real me anymore . I don't know if it's I've grown up or if I just hate showing people my real self because the society judge too much , just too much that it hurts. I have really low self esteem , I'm a sensitive and bipolar bitch, and I have no good qualities, I just really have to praise my friends for sticking up to me till now , especially my primary school clique and paikas. Also , my fandoms that don't judge me and stay with me tho I'm dead boring and really stupid.
Anyway yeah hahaha I don't know how to go on so just , bye. awkward.
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