Be happy.

Hi blogger, I'm back today to talk about how life has been for me.

It has been utterly confusing. It has been...weird. This 7 weeks holiday had me thinking about life. It made me did things I never once did. Just yesterday, I initiated to walk the dogs with my dad and I realised how happy he was just by this little act of mine. I realised how much I've been neglecting my dogs and him. I've been too obsessed with making money so I can buy things I want. I've been putting the wrong thing as my priority.

Just few days ago, me and my bro was up during the wee hours talking about life and something he said really hit me hard, hard enough for me to regret and hard enough to make me reflect on my past actions and words. He told me, "It's okay that dad is not working, actually I would rather he not because those work out there are too strenuous for him. Furthermore, all dad does is attend to the dog and watch videos online. To be honest, he introduced me many good songs from the internet. It's really lucky that he doesn't gamble or drink." and.... I thought, he's right. What's wrong with him not bringing the bacon home? What's wrong with that? What's wrong with me? Why am I so fucking immature? Why can't I be the one to earn money for myself? I'm old enough. In the past, even just recently, I asked myself why I'm not as lucky as others. Why do I have to work and pay for my expenses? Why can't my parents provide me with all this? Once again I asked myself, Why am I so damn demanding? Why am I so damn not understanding? Why? Now, I earn money smiling...thanking god for giving me the chance to be able to work and to be able to provide for myself. It's tough, it's tiring, it makes me break down once in a while but still....it gives me experience, knowledge and it makes me mature.

Other than that, I've been thinking about how I can provide my parents a better life in the future. I want them to live in a bed of roses. But for that to happen, I have to have a direction in life, I have to be able to earn money. I'm so damn lost. I don't know where I'm going towards and what I'm striving for. I've been thinking a lot lately, am I in the right course? Am I happy? Am I trying too hard to fit in? I want to be able to figure out what I want in life. Janice, please...please clear your mind and think straight and hard, please tell yourself what you want in life.

Sigh man sigh.

But still, be happy. I believe that tomorrow will be a better day.