update

"People cry, not because they are too weak. It's because they have been strong for too long."                                                   -Changmin from Dongbangshinki. 

Am back to update this space of mine after some time , well because I'm bored and I have some things to say and there's no other than this space for me .

Spent my October quite meaningfully till now -> hanging out with clique , meeting relatives and more bonding sessions and also finally exams ended so I have more time for dongbang and teen top.

Met relatives a few weeks ago for a family dinner. I'm always excited when it comes to meeting them because they are such great company and love that I definitely cannot live without. As usual , the adults start cracking jokes and talk about every and anything before we all head over to auntie's house to just chill and bond more hehe. That day was a really great one (-:

With my cutest aunt who never fails to advice me when I have problems . Thank you I love you xoxo.

With my godmommy who never fails to fight with me over korean actors hehehe love you la ok :* !

Darren Koh??? Annoying and really irritating cousin but still , love you la ok love you hahaha.

 Grandma!!!!!! /insert tons of love n honey/ my most precious one hehe she means the world to me and I will give anything just to see her smile and am happy everyday. I love you ah ma , more than anything.

I've also had a good time with my best friend clique. Well I call it that because we call ourselves nothing hahaha ji kolian yi xia. 

So anyway we spent our day at stadium just eating and also bitching about others. We basically talk about everything , ranging fron the people we hate to the people we love ha ha. Had an enjoyable time with them and time really flies when it is with them xo.

my EX boyfriend who I can never ever let go..... Joven.

My bestfriend who will always be a guniang to me I don't care hahaha.

Spent some of my october days with my thaina who never once turn me down because well we are both the jia ba bo tai ji zo people (people who are always free) .

Met up with her yesterday and it was super last minute because I needed a partner to go to the airport with me. I called her and she immediately agreed hehe how to not sarang her??? We then took a long bus ride to the airport and we were bickering through out the whole ride asking each other to get off but still ending up taking pictures together ha ha owells. 

We were waiting for nuest to arrive and in between I became very moody and had serious moodswings problems. I was tearing up and really wanted to break down for no reason and I was upset with everything and I'm so thankful to have her because she handled me well hehehe love you okay Junho's babygirl kam wifu.

I am really thankful to have her in my life. I was unhappy over something small with her sometime ago and I'm glad that I confessed about it and we actually cleared up our misunderstandings and problems. I was definitely at fault too so I'm so thankful that she still stays in my life and never leave me for that one thing. 

 And also , I've spent ample amount of time with my clique but we usually hang out after school and we don't camwhore often so there's no pictures. I'm so thankful to have them in my life , I thank god for everything (':

Now I just can't wait for bridging programme to be over so I have time to update my fanfic , work and also have more time for my idols.

I feel like I don't know me anymore.

I hate my random moodswings and attitude.

I feel that I'm not the old me anymore,why?

I just hope people would point out my flaws directly 

and not , behind my back.

I feel like I'm being too greedy.

I just want a normal life that is simple and where I'm happy.

Is it too much to ask for?

I give up on ignoring judgemental people..

And now I judge myself too lol.

It's weird. I prayed at the temple smiling and thanking them but when I go to grandpa , my heart felt very heavy and I couldn't stop crying. I didn't even know why was I crying but I just can't stop. I can only show my weak and real self to him . And the pathetic thing is this grandpa of mine , is no longer alive. I.. miss you.

When I call your phone , no one picks up anymore.