S i c k and t i r e d .

I tried my best in everything but what i got back was just bunch of disappointments and insults. I remembered how you made me cry once when i asked you to sign a form for me to join some maths workshop but you said why bother joining when my maths was so bad ? I cried , i fucking cried. Yeah i didn't study in the past , i'm the last in class , i was screwed and i have got that fucking bad attitude everything you hate you name it i probably have it. But i told myself that i wanted to do better so i studied harder last year didn't i ? I scored well , you were happy . But now that i'm struggling with history , i'm sharing my feelings with you but instead i got back a ' you didn't even study ' . Oh yeah holy i didn't study , i didn't . I really don't see the point of me trying so hard you know ? I love the old me too , the carefree me who didn't really cared about assignments and schoolwork but i wanted to prove you wrong , wanted to show you that i can do it , but i guess , i'm wrong . I'm stress , i can't do maths and history well , so much that i want to cry when i can't even solve one fucking easy maths question but did i complain ? I kept everything to myself . When i can't do the thing i want , did i fucking throw tantrums at people around me like last time ? When i want something , i don't fucking care about others and just get it , did i now ? Sigh

I told myself , i wanted to be a happier and better me , so i changed and everything but now , everything is falling apart . Yes i probably smile everyday but what's behind that smile ? Who fucking sees it ? I do have friends , but who really understands me deep down ? I don't know myself too anymore. I don't know who to trust in this world , i don't know who would stand by me till the end , i don't fucking know , i'm fucking lost. When i'm sad , who will be there ? When i'm happy , who will be there too ? I don't know , i really don't.

Yeah okay , for everything that i do , i'm wrong . Why the fuck do i deserve all this ? Who realized ? NO FUCKING ONE . Yes yes no one ha #pathetic .

Fuck life .