I know i'm just not good enough isn't it ? Whenever something happens i'm the fucking one fully at fault . Just because i smile every time , i forgive every time , i forgets every time , it doesn't mean i don't feel hurt . There's time when i wanna cry , wanna share my true feelings but i can't , cause i don't want to hurt any of you . I tried changing to what i should be , what a friend should be like , always doing my best to cooperate and make sure everyone enjoys even if i have to spoil my image , i'm okay with it . Last year ? How was that Janice ? That rude , childish , immature and forever selfish girl . I remembered a her who was always throwing tantrums , crying every time and finding stupid problems , cursing like no tomorrow at people . But i think i had enough of that myself too . I really like the me that smile every time , yes i really do but also , i also want a me who has the opportunity to cry and to feel sad , to be able to tell one how i feel eventho i would be crying the hell out of myself , i'm happy . I always feel paranoid , why am i always not feeling sad when someone hurt me ? I think it's because i'm used to it , used to the moments when i have to choke my tears down and pretend a smile . Sometimes i wonder , am i even me ? Am i my real self or am i the self that change to what others want ? I thought everyone is unique and should be what they want and are but fuck no , i'm hurting inside and fucking hell no one actually knows or bother . I'm tired yes very. Sigh ):

나는 지옥 기분이 내부에 느낌이

지만 실제로는 깊은 얼마나 너희들에

게 말하고하는 방법을 모르겠어요. 사람들은 내가

 강하게 있고 싶어 내 모든 그리고 왜 안 되니까. 제가 싸움

을하고 너희들을위한 생존이 아니라도 한번 생각을 자신을 

위해 사는, 자신을 생각. 난 당신의 모든 회사와 사랑을 받

고 있습니다. 하지만 너희들은 너무 불공평하다고 그리고 

내가 아무도 실제로 내를 얻을 수없는 경우 자신에게 내 

마음에 눈물해야 할 몇 번있다. 나는 그래 변경했다하지만

 너희들을위한 전부에요. 나는 가능한 한 많이하고있어 

그 애 마음 깊은 곳엔 알아, 언젠가는 아픈 및 chyur의 모

든두고,이 날 다시는 돌아오지 않을 것입니다. 눈물이

 더 쉽게그리고 자유롭게 내려 오질 않아, 숨겨진 눈물

이 내 마음에있는 모든 출혈이 있습니다. 물론, 난 아무도

 원인이 공유해서 왜 그런지 모르겠하지 않을 것

입니다. 이유는 모르겠어요. 한숨.